Shame Shaking and Self Acceptance

 

🖐🏼How easy is it to sit in a puddle of shame and 

👉🏼self blame👈🏼 and how bad does it feel?!

I am not alone and neither are you! We are all on a journey learning and will continue to be imperfect on this side of heaven.

We are all kids before God. We can do for ourselves just what we want for our kids.

Acknowledge *I did that and wish I didn't and I'm sorry. 

Make up *Can I get you water? Make a sorry card? Take your dishes? Clean up the mess?

And then remain open for love and growth 💖. By speaking to ourselves kindly reminding ourselves that we are learning and of course we will make mistakes like everyone else and by sharing our failures with others who will say "me too" and I love you. 

Detachment

 

It is okay and good to detach from our children's problems. Detaching in parenting means deeply caring while allowing our kids to live their own beautiful and messy lives. When we detach, our kids get to feel their own feelings about their behavior instead of our feelings. Kids in touch with themselves--what feels good and bad are kids ready to learn and receive the daily lessons from life.

Our loving detachment is the first step in teaching self control.

Paradigm Shift

 They're not out to get you.

They're not just trying to get away with whatever they can.

With their behavior-good and bad-they are speaking to you about what they need. 

They need you to show them how to get it in ways that feel right and true...because they are right and true.

Reactivity

 If we can 

✨Notice ✨ our reactivity we are well on our way to learning to self calm.

When we are calm inside they feel SO much calmer inside.

When we can find calm we are then at choice about our behavior.

When they can find calm then they are at choice about their behavior.

✨We go first.✨

Common Fears and Misconceptions: True Power

 Positive Parenting has me feeling SO Powerful as I lead my family with tools that work and deeply connect us!

Compassionate Discipline: Positive Parenting: Discipline strategies

Positive Parenting strategies: This is what we use instead of blame, shame, humiliation, fear and punishment to teach our children because those things just feel so bad and will make us hate parenting.

Our teaching is received when we give it with humility (ex. I'm working on this too, buddy.), and when they see us go first. (ex. I don't like the tone I used with you. Can I try saying that again?)

When we choose to:

Make the time in our homes (first we're going to practice_____ and then we're going to the park!) and commit to implement teaching we don't have to parent from reactivity or permissiveness.

We can choose:

Natural consequences with empathy

*Calming breaks* (We go first)

Logical Consequences:

    Make-ups

    Re-dos

    Re-dos with toys

    Charts with practice

Preventative strategies:

    *Self compassion*

    Getting ready charts

    firm, kind, agreements

    Power preventative strategies

    Noticing and filling our own needs buckets

    and our kids' needs buckets ahead of time

Positive Parenting: 4 Types of misbehavior and how to sus out which it is

 4 Types of misbehavior (Thanks, Dr Dreikers!): Power, Inadequacy, Attention, Revenge

Just like we don't call the roofer when our sink leaks or the plumber when we need a tree cut down, we use different tools to lead and teach our kids depending on the type of misbehavior they exhibit.

Handy parenting tip! We can tell which type of misbehavior our kid is exhibiting by how WE feel.

Kiddo in Power misbehavior? I feel provoked and challenged!

Kiddo in Inadequacy misbehavior? I feel pity and like I need to save.

Kiddo in Attention misbehavior? I feel annoyed.

Kiddo in Revenge misbehavior? I feel hurt, angry, "how could you do this to me?"

Each type has it's own strategies.

We don't lead a kid in power misbehavior with inadequacy strategies or a kid in revenge misbehavior with attention strategies.